Bulletin boards, forums and websites in general often have an area for those things that do not belong anywhere else or are 'off topic'. People, I find, edge around me, treading carefully in an effort to elicit my opinion on matters as diverse as current affairs to the best sherry to buy for Christmas. The soapbox page will probably appear to be the product of a deranged imagination because it needs to be 'ad hoc', succinct and forthright, without (hopefully) upsetting too many readers! The Soapbox is a sounding board for my opinions - just don't take them too seriously.  

Chilean earthquake
After the devastation that hit Haiti, came yesterday's news that another severe earthquake measuring 8.8 on the Richter scale had struck Chile. News footage showed rather more substantial buildings than we saw in Haiti but this is hardly suprising, as lessons were learned after the country suffered the worst quake in its history in May 1960. This event became known as the Valdivia Earthquake. Then, over 1,600 people died and more than 2 million people were left without a roof over their heads. Today, the Chilean government were struggling to assess the full impact of the disaster but declared 6 of their 15 regions 'catastrophe zones'. While the scope of the disaster was being measured in Chile, other nations were on full tsunami alert. Let's just hope that the relief effort is rather better organised than the shambles we witnessed in Haiti.

The Falklands
I wonder how may of our readers have actually been to the Falklands. Well, I can tell you it isn't the first place that springs to mind when pondering on holiday destinations - unless your name is Shaun the sheep. Just about the best way to get there is on a cruise, if you must. But the people that live there are a hardy breed and proud to be British, speak English and drive on the correct side of the road. With elections looming in Argentina and the discovery of oil and gas reserves, guess what? Once again, all that Malvinas rubbish is dredged up because it is an easy vote winner. Anywhere except here, of course. I don't hold out much hope with David Miliband and Boredom Frown at the helm - after all, it was on their watch that Iran impounded a navy craft plus crew and more recently they've done sod all about the British couple seized by pirates (remember them?) within sight of a Royal Navy vessel. At this rate, we'll be giving the Argies an ASBO for being thoroughly naughty chaps if this nonsense escalates.

Those bullying claims at no 10
Why don't we believe those stories about outbursts of temper from our PM, despite the denials? Because, probably, there's no smoke without a fire and a bit of 'back pedaling' after the fact convinced the author that somebody had been well and truly nobbled. As a former civil servant myself, I would not have expected my superiors to throw tantrums or anything else. Not only would they have lost my respect but confidence in their ability to continue in office.

The most sickening photograph
There must be many contenders for this title but the one that had me reaching for my sick bag last week was the bold Tory leader David (call me Dave) Cameron posing with a pint glass trying to tell us he's just an ordinary guy who likes nothing better than to play darts. Sorry - I don't buy that. I'm fed up of politicians and their photo opportunities and my judgement of Cameron is that he's a fake, a phoney and not only totally out of touch but well out of his depth.

On Toyota
Why do I get the impression that the media are just loving the woes facing Toyota presently? Nobody should be gloating over this but everybody should be asking how long ago the first case of the accelerator and brake problems was recorded. It is quite likely that the defective components are not even made by Toyota and because many vehicles today have 'analogue' accelerator pedals (the 9-5 pedal only works the throttle directly with the cable in limp home mode) what is probably to blame is a software bug. Just remember - debugging code is hard work: you can never prove errors don't exist, just that you haven't been looking hard enough to find them all. I'd like readers to ponder on something a Rover engineer told me 15 years ago: 'in one minute the ecu performs the same number of calculations that you could manage working flat out with a calculator over 40 years'. Makes you think, doesn't it?

Jonathan Meades
The other day, I got around to watching the final part of 'Off kilter', presented by Jonathan Meades. Wicked, perceptive and thoroughly erudite, Meades showed a different Scotland in three programmes that lived up to the title. The antidote to clapping shows on television, many viewers might have been overwhelmed by the welter of information or at least reaching for the nearest dictionary. In effect, Off Kilter was a 'no prisoners taken' type of televisual essay -only no such type existed previously. Nothing is ever dumbed down or given cursory treatment by the presenter, who has a fondness for strange camera angles and lighting effects, as well as food. This was only to be expected from the former Times restaurant critic . Definitely an acquired taste but having watched 'Magnetic North' previously, one that appeals to me.

On politicians
The ONLY politician to impress me over the last few weeks was Michael Portillo and that was because he wasn't being political. Indeed, his Great British Railway Journeys (BBC 2) worked a great deal better than I'd expected, mainly, I suspect because I'd never considered Mr Portillo as a presenter. Michael Portillo's easy going, affable style makes him a natural presenter and I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed watching to the extent that I'm really looking forward to the new series.

Tony Blair (aka Tony B.Liar)
The Chilcott enquiry is just the sort of farce we could have expected. Our former PM neatly dodged all the protesters waiting outside in the cold by arriving shortly after dawn. There have, of course, been accusations that the Iraq War was illegal (although the Attorney General swears not) but even accepting this, there is NO denying that we were misled and sold the war on a false claim. It was hard to tell which was more convincing: the real Tony Blair or the lampooning mimicry of political satirist Rory Bremner on BBC's This Week programme screened last Thursday (this sketch can be seen at: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/this_week/8486919.stm).

All that happened at the inquiry -which will be costing taxpayers a small fortune- was Tony Blair read out a prepared statement. Bravo! Nobody asked him "Well, what was it that you knew but weren't able to tell us when you took us to war?" And isn't it time we were told why the documents relating to Dr Kelly's 'alleged' suicide have been made secret for the next 70 years? Sorry - I forgot that the inquiry that looked into Kelly business was another cover up.

We are out of recession (based on economic growth of 0.1%)

An optimistic statement that fails to factor in a surge of sales motivated by a desire to buy before VAT went back to 17.5% on January 1st. We aren't out of recession but that won't stop our feckless government printing money (sorry, I mean opting for further 'quantitative easing'). Another silly buzz word from an obsolete government characterised by spin and obsessed with targets. BTW: they just shift the goal posts if the targets are not attained...

Global warming or climate change?

This subject concerns me greatly because opinions are polarised: the warmers burn almost with a zeal that borders on religion and those who disagree always seem to be facing accusations of denial with the warmers always suppressing any sort of debate. The author thinks that the climate is changing but doubts whether this is a result of human activity or that carbon dioxide is the driver for change given that greenhouse gases as a whole account for just 0.03% of the atmosphere. Although our climate has changed throughout history, we should not be wantoning through natural resources like there is no tomorrow or maybe there won't be. We are a wasteful society and I believe that we should be seeking more efficient ways of living. My big concern about the planet is the wholesale and continuous destruction of the rainforest and on a lesser note the switch to growing crops to produce bio fuels. International conferences like Copenhagen are a waste of time - centuries ago, king Canute discovered that telling the tide not to come in doesn't work...

Electric vehicles

Anyone else remember that car on BBC's Top Gear that was powered by hundreds of laptop batteries? Anyone who has ever had to buy a single laptop battery will appreciate the folly behind that idea. We say: the only currently viable electric vehicles are golf carts, mobility scooters and milk floats.

Wind farms - a lot of hot air

Our precious reserves of gas are running out but our current government has failed to make provision for the future by commissioning nuclear power stations. Arguments from the green lobby that such installations are unsafe must be resisted - the French have invested greatly in this technology and on the grounds that any disaster there or anywhere else in Europe would affect us in the UK whether we have nuclear power or not, it is plain folly not to follow suit. Don't get me wrong: we do need renewable energy but expecting it to be a silver bullet solution is fantasy. Wind farms do have their place - in remote areas where conventional supplies would be too expensive but scattering them willy-nilly across vast tracts of some of our most beautiful landscape is not the answer. Continental experience has demonstrated that it would be unwise to expect wind energy to meet more than 10% of our needs at the best of times. In the height of the bad weather, the author had to drive past many wind farms - not a single blade was turning - which, in the event was fortunate- a strong wind would have made for drifts. Personally, I'd like to see more research into wave energy, as surely, tidal movement is always going to happen but it isn't always tied to be windy. The biggest flaw I can see with wind energy is that the turbines would be damaged by high winds and have to be turned off.

The EEC

What ARE we doing passing control over so may areas that affect our lives to Brussels? The successful trading organisations of the past like the Hanseatic League or more recently EFTA were more compact and manageable. Public anger here in the UK is only just subsiding over MP's allowances but no firm of accountants will audit the EEC's books. There is no reason to suppose that abuses like MP's expenses will not occur on a bigger, grander scale within the EEC. In the author's view, the EEC has ambitions that border on imperialism and letting ever more nations join is just buying time to put off the evil day when the whole rotten edifice starts tumbling down, taking its suspect currency with it.

Britain - a nation of sofa fetishists

Unmissable bargains, unrepeatable sales (that actually will be repeated) and for what? A sofa, as one of the columnists in a national paper pointed out isn't especially comfortable (not for the individual in the middle) or practical. Oh, and if you do want one, guess what- it isn't in stock!

Crime is falling

Then why are our prisons full despite all those 'soft' sentences? In truth, our prisons are full of foreign nationals that the UK cannot deport because of the potential for infringement of prisoners' human rights. The rights of the rest of us don't come into it (apparently). It is time for the UK to bin this fatally flawed and frankly soppy treaty.

Jeremy Clarkson for PM

A scary thought - but somebody needs to STOP successive governments looting revenue raised from the motorist. Only 7% of this vast sum is actually reinvested in our roads and every year lives are lost needlessly on roads like the A66, A69 and A1 that have not been made into double track. Fuel tax is devastating - and crippling our transport industry. Mr Clarkson doubtless will have something to say about the latest ludicrous suggestion that we should have narrower lanes on main roads. I just wish that sometimes, he'd wear a tie but that casual look so beloved of politicians so they appear all matey doesn't cut it with me. I want someone who looks businesslike not somebody who looks like they've finished for the day and is about to sneak off to the pub...

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